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That's so Jill
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    Hello! 

    Jill is an Interior Designer with a passion for fashion, photography and beautiful, functional spaces. 

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Finding out I needed heart surgery at 24

11/22/2019

 
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Earlier this year, February to be exact, I had a regular check up with my primary care doctor. What was meant to be like any other yearly physical, turned into an unexpected road to heart surgery.

My doctor heard a loud heart murmur and proceeded to have me listen to her heart compared to my own. Hers sounded normal with a regular beat and rhythm, mine sounded more like a machine. I left that appointment with orders to get some tests done, starting first with an echocardiogram. Which is an ultra sound of the heart.

Based on my echo, they could tell that I had severe Mitral Valve Prolapse.

My Mitral Valve was prolapsed (wasn’t closing correctly) and therefore was leaking severely back into the chamber, creating a loud sound known as a murmur. It essentially sounded like a machine, not a heart beating.

The first time I met with the Cardiologist, he showed us the severe leakage from the echo and told my mom and I that I would need open heart surgery this summer.

I know, I was shocked too.

He explained that I wouldn’t die from this immediately, but with every heart beat, my heart was being damaged. I would probably drop dead sometime in the next ten years if it wasn’t ever caught or fixed.
It seemed so casual for him to tell us that, but it is his everyday job to deliver news like that. But obviously with no prior major health issues, I was pretty stunned.

​I had to get a few more tests done to confirm the diagnosis. One of them was a TEE (Transesophageal echocardiography). It was the first time that I’ve been admitted to the hospital for a test/procedure. They put me under and inserted a camera down through my throat to see the back of my heart and confirm that it was as severe as they thought.

After the procedure, while the morphine was wearing off, the doctor went out to talk to my parents. He urged them to not get my heart repaired in California and go straight to the Mayo Clinic or the Cleveland clinic. He said, “If this was my daughter, I wouldn’t trust any surgeon in California to do this repair. You need to find someone who is 100% confident they can repair the valve and the best is at the Mayo Clinic/ Cleveland clinic.

After that conversation, what we thought was going to be a simple, easy road to surgery, turned into hours of my mom doing research on the best surgeon out near us to do the repair so we could stick with my parent's HMO insurance and not use my PPO insurance from work.

A lot was on the line. They made it very clear that there was no guarantee that I could get my heart repaired. They wouldn’t know the actual severity of it until they got into my heart. If they went into repair it and it was too difficult of a repair they would have to replace the valve.

If I ended having to get the valve replaced, I had two options. A mechanical valve or a pig valve. The mechanical valve would last me 15-20 years, but I wouldn’t be able to have kids because I would be on Coumadin for the rest of my life and my lifestyle would have to change dramatically. Which is a lot to process for my 24 year old self. The second option, a pig valve, I was told would only last 5 years because my body would break it down very quickly. The pig valve lasts longer on older people because at that age your body isn’t regenerating as often. That means every 5 years I would need to have some type of heart surgery to get it replaced. Boy did that sound fun.

We saw a surgeon out of Hoag who does Mitral Valve Repairs, but he’s not well versed in robotic surgeries, so he said he would have to perform open heart on me. Which is fine, but if there was a better option, we were going to seek it out. He reassured us that he could repair it, but it was a difficult repair like we thought.

After seeing the surgeon at Hoag, we continued to do research of our best option. And by "we", I mean my mom. I was just trying to keep my head above water.

My mom was on a facebook group for people that have had mitral valve repair surgery, or are about to have it. It was very helpful and I’m glad she stumbled upon it. Most people in the group were 50+.

If I was older it would have been no big deal if they had to replace it, but because of my age, we wanted to find someone who was confident they could repair it and also do it non invasively.

The non invasive surgery had its benefits. The recovery was a lot faster since they didn’t have to go in and break my sternum. The scars are in a place that is pretty hidden. But what I didn’t know is that the recovery in the hospital is more painful because of where they enter through your lungs. More on that later.

Thankfully through the facebook group my mom heard of Dr. Alfredo Trento and started doing some research on Him. He’s a cardiac surgeon based out of Cedars Sinani and he’s done thousands of repairs and he also does heart transplants along with other various heart surgeries, so he’s very skilled to say the least. We set up an appointment with him and waited.. again.

This entire year has been marked as a season of waiting. Finding answers and then waiting to see them through. I could’ve been out of recovery by the time we figured this all out, but things take time with insurance and doctor's schedules. We have definitely become more patient, relying on God and His timing. Not our own.

During all this craziness, I was finishing up my thesis, interning at H.Hendy Associates and trying to keep my head afloat with my new diagnosis.

I started to notice my symptoms getting worse. Extreme fatigue and heart pain.
We met with Dr. Alfredo Trento and decided that he was the best option on this coast. He was confident he could repair it robotically, which is what we wanted to hear. Now the waiting game continued, as we scheduled the surgery for beginning of September.

About 14 days before my surgery I got a call from my surgeons scheduler. Dr. Trento had been out of the country for the last few weeks, and apparently needed surgery when he got back. They canceled my surgery and pushed me to the end of October. I got off the phone in tears and called my mom. After so much preparation, mentally and spiritually, it all got canceled.

After I hung up with my mom, we were both in tears, she called the scheduler back to hear it for herself and said we were going to look back into going to the Cleveland Clinic and reevaluate our other options because waiting wasn’t an option as my symptoms were getting worse.

I guess calling on the phone in tears works. They called us the next day and said, “okay we can pencil you in on Tuesday September 10th, at noon.” He was adding me in on a day he only had one surgery scheduled for the morning. I was going to be the second surgery of the day. He was arriving into the country the night before and going out for his own surgery after he performed my surgery. We only had a few days to prepare, get a hotel and I had to let my work know that the surgery got pushed up and I was now suddenly going to be out starting the next week, for 6 weeks.

​Thankfully I had my amazing family and friends supporting me through this diagnosis. My friend Emma also has health issues, so we would meet every week and get Pressed Juicery (frozen yogurt) and talk about our doctor's appointments, every victory and disappointment. Most people my age haven't gone through something like this personally and don't fully understand, so it was a huge blessing to have Emma be such a constant through this last year.

If you know someone that is going through health issues or dealing with any type of grief, nothing you say is going to make things better, they just want your support and presence and to know you care. I know it's hard to show up in situations like this, but it's the small things that matter and people will remember you being there.


Even though this was by far the craziest year, with so many highs and lows, I didn’t let fear take over. I felt led to this point. Mainly because I had a lot of other weird health issues in the years prior, that this diagnosis just made me laugh. I truly knew that at the end of the day, it was in God’s hands. Spending any time or energy stressing about it was just going to take away God’s sovereign place in my life by trying to control something that was out of my hands completely. That’s the cool thing about knowing Jesus. There is no place for fear and I really got a taste of how that looks in a health crisis. Coming face to face with death really puts things into perspective. This whole experience has changed my life forever. I have way too many words to formulate about that in a few sentences. It also brought me a lot closer to my family. So sometimes, finding out you need heart surgery at 24 isn’t that bad.

​P.S. I’m going to do another post about the actual surgery and recovery. There is just too much to write. Thanks for your patience ;)
​

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Questions I'm Asking Myself as I Approach Graduation

2/18/2019

 
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These past few years have been spent with my head down plugging away in my program. All nighter after all nighter, countless weekends spent in studio and hours working on projects refining my skills. I’ve enjoyed the time being pushed by my professors, my creative peers and my dreams that seemed far on the horizon.  

I’ve finally come up for 
air to realize that graduation is on the horizon. My parents called me today to discuss my graduation party and the budget for it. That’s how close this is to completion.  

For so long it was too far away with so much work to do to get there. I couldn’t even imagine what finishing would look like and what it would look like after I finish. 
 

Instead I have been building up my necessary skills to advance in the program, creating my portfolio, applying for and getting into studio, starting Junior studio and then moving over the hall to Senior studio to work on thesis. Now here I am, with thesis completion and graduation slowly creeping up on me.  

With this realization, it’s time to self-reflect and make sure my next steps align with all the hard work I’ve been pushing towards these last few years. 
 

Pausing and finding time to ask questions that make sure you are striving in the right direction is important, especially when you've found yourself nearing an end of a chapter to start a new one. 
 

​Here are the questions that I’m asking myself to make sure I am moving in the right direction post-graduation.
 

  • Who am I pressing towards to be? 
  • Who do I want to be in 5 years, 10 years?  
  • Where do I want to be in 5 years, 10 years? 
  • What are my exact goals? 
  • How do I take the steps to achieve them, so I don’t stay stagnant?  
  • What little things am I doing every day to make sure I can achieve my goals? 
  • What lies have I been telling myself about my abilities and worth?  
  • What narrative am I creating in my head that is false? 
  • How do I quiet the fears and press towards a life that is fearless? 
  • Who are my role models in my field and why? 
  • What do I see my role models doing and how can I emulate that in my own fashion? 
  • Am I being a good role model?  
These are just a few of the questions I am asking myself as I take steps towards graduation and reevaluate what life will look like post-graduation.   
This program has grown and stretched me in countless ways and I’m eager to see what is to come post-graduation.  
Now my challenge for you is to pause, reflect and re-evaluate your goals and make sure you are pressing towards them in a realistic fashion. It’s a great exercise, especially when you’re plugging away at something with no reference as to where you are going next.   
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Run to the Beat of His Heart

1/27/2018

 
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In the worlds eyes, you will never be good enough. 

Skinny enough, tall enough, talkative enough, pretty enough, etc. 

Stop looking to the world. 
Stop looking in the mirror. 

Look outside yourself, look to the One who created you. The one who fills your lungs with breath and gives you the power to run to the beat of His heart.

You are chosen.

You are a child of God.

God knew your name before you were born.

He knows all your mistakes, your fears, your stumbles and he loves you the same. 

He doesn't want you to be chained to insecurity or to be chained to comparing. 

God has made you perfect. Yes, you were created in His image. Genesis one, we were created in the image of God.

Flawless in His sight. Set apart. Redeemed. 
 
Sing that over your life and you will never have to look to the world for your identity ever again. 

There's no shame in admitting that we all stumble. There is power in recognizing the things that keep us from living out what God has called us to do. 

I've been there. I've lost my identity to a relationship and once it fell apart I couldn't stand to look in the mirror because my identity came from a person, a person that is imperfect like us all. 

If you stand rooted in what God has spoken over your life, you will never have to look to the world for your identity. You won't have to compare and you won't have to look for outside validation in relationships. 

John 8: 3-32 MSG
"Then Jesus turned to the Jews who had claimed to believe in him. "If you stick with this, living out what I tell you, you are my disciples for sure. Then you will experience for yourselves the truth, and the truth will free you." 

I hope this encouraged you and reminded you that your identity comes from God, not this world. 

Check out the worship song that inspired this post, "no longer slaves" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYB_mElJtTI

xoxo,

Jill 
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You are Welcome Here

10/8/2017

 
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​I know from experience how it feels to walk into a new place and not know anyone, but long to be known or at least acknowledged. My natural inclination is to try to blend into the wall and hope no one notices that I’m new and out of place. 
 
Two years ago, when I first walked into the Garden Church I snuck past everyone at the coffee station, pried open the doors to the auditorium and took the furthest seat in the back that I could find. It was dark and I was early, so the band was still rehearsing.
 
Shortly after moving to Long Beach I went through a terrible breakup with a long term boyfriend. I was new to the city, my university and felt very alone. My roommate saw the turmoil I was in and suggested I check out the Garden. She attended a different church on Saturdays, so I went alone. I was uneasy and I just wanted to sit in the back, blend in and then leave as soon as possible.
 
Since the breakup was so recent, I could feel myself ready to unravel at any moment. Walking in with swollen eyes from crying all night took a tremendous amount of courage.
 
As I was sitting alone, fidgeting with my phone, a lady approached me and introduced herself, asked for my name and wanted to know if I was new. She was very warm and inviting, and from our conversation I found out that her family knew the Pastors at my old church back home, which in my mind reassured me that I wasn’t walking into a cult. Later on, I realized that she was the Pastor's mom, which was pretty cool.
 
The conversation was short and brief, but it was the pivotal reason I came back. I continued to sit alone in the back and observe every week. After a few months of coming by myself and leaving quickly, I decided to reach out to the college age community group to possibly join.
 
My roommate joyfully supported me and went with me for the first community group gathering. I could tell right away that this was a special group of people. I continued to show up  and thankfully I call them all friends to this day.
 
Entering the unknown can be scary and plain hard. Just driving to church that day was difficult, but I knew I couldn’t make it without joining community and facing my brokenness.
 
Looking back, I can’t remember the message that was preached that day. I’m sure it was a great one, but what I remember was the small act of kindness the woman showed by reaching out and saying hello. It was so simple, yet it had a huge impact on why I decided to keep coming back.
 
As humans we all want to feel welcomed and acknowledged, so I encourage you to be the person to approach someone you don’t know and make them feel accepted. As Christ followers, we should go out of our way to make others feel known and loved. You never know the impact you can have on someone’s life just by saying hello.
 
If you’re the person who is coming alone and sitting in the back, I encourage you to keep showing up and reaching out to join and create community. Life is hard enough and you shouldn’t have to go through it alone.
 
“May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had.” Romans 15:5
 
 
Thanks for checking out this blog, I hope it encourages you to step out for those who are new or over looked, you never know what that small act of kindness will do to make them feel loved and accepted. 

If you're in the area and want to check out my church, I would love to sit with you!
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Be A Fountain, Not A Drain

11/22/2016

 
"Be A Fountain, Not a Drain"
I heard this quote recently while listening to an Andy Stanley podcast one late night while working away at another project. Andy Stanley is a pastor at North Point Community Church in Atlanta, Georgia. He is pretty awesome, extremely wise and someone I enjoy learning from. I know that isn't a quote originally from him, but since I heard it, it has been etched in my memory. It made me stop and reflect on my own friendships and how I interact with people relationally. Yesterday was one of those days that I walked away from hanging out with friends thinking, wow, thank you Jesus for these life giving people.

Maddie and Kristen drove down yesterday to see my apartment, explore Long Beach and catch up. These two remind me of the power of being a fountain. When they left I felt more empowered, full of life and encouraged to take on anything. I truly believe that this is how friendships should be, especially when your friends are actively pursing a relationship with Christ. This is a direct reflection of the fruit that He is producing in their life. These types of friends don't spend time tearing people down, gossiping or bringing any negativity to the table. Instead, they pour into you and others, spread joy and point you towards Christ with their every action. No, this does not mean that they are perfect or have everything figured out, but it does mean that they're seeking guidance. These types of friends are constantly seeking what is lasting and their lives reflect that. Every time I leave interactions with friends like this I don't feel drained or like the life has been sucked out of me. Instead, I feel empowered to be a better person and friend. These are the friends that we should all aspire to be like. ​


I'm sure we can all pinpoint friends in our lives that leave us feeling exhausted, empty and drained after every interaction. All of us can agree that friendships like that are hard. They're not friendships that you want to be around continuously. Strive to be different. Don't model your friendships after people like that. I've always been told to never compare yourself to the worst person in the room in order to make yourself feel better about what you're doing. Instead look to the person that is doing better and strive to be like them. Figure out why they make you feel empowered and do the same to others around you. Maybe they're a good listener or encourager and that's something that you need to work on. When you are seeking to be more like Christ, you will start to be the person that flows like a fountain to those around you instead of draining the energy out of the room.
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So friends, I just want to encourage you to be a fountain NOT a drain. Encourage, empower and uplift people. Leave people better than you found them.

Kristen took all these photos and she did a little blog post of our day together! Here's the link to her blog kristenellingson.com/


xoxo,
Jill 
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